Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t
Focus on what you can do, not what you can’t. Look there, go there. Where focus goes, energy flows. Perhaps you’ve heard one or all of those phrases. Our thoughts and emotions generate our perspective and life experience. What we believe about ourselves, our day, the people around us, and the way the world works has an impact on the actions we take, how we show up in relationships, and how we move through life.
In mountain biking, look there, go there is quite literal. If you’ve ever found yourself fixated on a rock or root (or a tree), and then end up hitting it, it’s because that’s where you were looking. If you find yourself looking where you want to go and committing to it, you often can ride very technical terrain (and can sometimes get away with it if you lack certain skills. Note… sometimes).
In our lives, we are pre-wired to have a negativity bias. That is, we tend to weight negative experiences more than positive ones. Have you ever noticed how you might be fixated on one critical comment and negate all the positive ones? Have you noticed that when someone asks you how an event that you participated in went, most people respond with all the things they could have done better and don’t even mention what they did well?
Leading with the things going well in your life can help shift your focus if you are stuck in a negative rut. This is not toxic positivity where you pretend everything is awesome or stuff challenging emotions. It’s not ignoring painful and frustrating realities. It’s about holding space for both the things going well and acknowledging the things that aren’t going as well. We can get stuck in to dualistic thinking where it’s all-or-none or two competing emotions or circumstances have to be mutually exclusive. That’s not the case.
Training your mind to focus on what’s going well, on abundance, and where opportunities lie will help you notice them more easily. This is why gratitude practices are effective (where you write down things that you’re thankful for, because then you start scanning the world for it). Another example is car shopping- research a car and then you see it everywhere.
The things you focus on are what you notice. That sounds so obvious, but most people don’t pause and think about what they are focusing on or what they want.
An example in my own life is that things are challenging right now. I have a 2-month old and a 2-year-old. Our childcare situation that was already on shaky grounds has gotten unreliable. That means I’m behind at work, I’m stretched a little too thin, I’m working at night or in 5-minute spurts. It is hard and it is unsatisfying, but I know it’s temporary.
Keep reading for some more examples and some actionable tips on how to train where you focus.